The Crush


Abstract: Though this one addresses males; from what has been confided in me by the fairer gender, the essence of the following holds true for both sexes. This is about the ‘crush’ that never blossoms. Word Count: ~700

Themes of Our Lives 2: The Crush

Darn it! Darn it! Darn it!

Those kohl-lined doe-like eyes… That mysterious dimpled smile… That killer supermodel dressing sense… That innocuous sexual innuendo… Those shy stealing glances… The subtle torque with which her body moves… That inadvertently revealed clumsiness… That all-understanding expression… That peacock like grace… That tantalizing fragrance…

A million flowers blossom at once in my heart, at her very sight; imprisoning me in that moment.

And the moment keeps playing in my head, over and over and over again, like a stuck record…

I don’t want this. The explosion of those pensive questions in my otherwise zen-state mind.
I don’t want this. The waves of incomprehension, soaking me wet with anguish.
I don’t want this. The audacious willful step taken, only to end up in an infinity of self reproach.
I don’t want this. An end to a thriller, without having written even a single chapter.

And the moment keeps playing in my head, over and over and over again, like a stuck record….

The explosion of those pensive questions in my otherwise zen-state mind.

Was it for me? Does she like me? What does she want of me? Wow, she noticed me? Is she thinking about me? Was it directed at me? Was that a hint? What should I do? Why is she looking at me like that? Why does she smile at my jokes? Wow, is that adoration I see in her eyes? We’d be good together? Is that what I should aim for? When did she start liking me? When did I start liking her? What should I do? How should I do?

I don’t want this.

The waves of incomprehension, soaking me wet with anguish.

Got to initiate contact, but how?
Maybe I just walk up to her and say ‘Hi’. Gosh! Don’t even know how she talks like!?
Maybe I buy a rose and give it to her. Gosh! Don’t even know what her likes are!?
Maybe I write a letter to her. Gosh! Don’t even know what sort of books she reads!?
Maybe I start talking to one of her guy friends. Gosh! Don’t even know how close she is to guys!?
Maybe I add her on Facebook. Gosh! Don’t even know if she entertains such cheap things!?
Maybe I find her number and send her an sms. Gosh! Don’t even know whom all she talks to!?
Maybe I ask one of her colleagues to give me that intro. Gosh! No courage to talk to one, how do I talk to the rest!?
Got to initiate contact, but how?
Hmm…I’ll do this.

I don’t want this.

The audacious willful step taken, only to end up in an infinity of self reproach.

Darn it! Why the blank expression on her face!!!!
Shit!
Will she tell her family? Will they tell my parents? I might get bashed up…
Will she tell her friends / colleagues? They might take my case forever…
Why didn’t I just scratch my itch and forget it!?
Shit!
What will she do now… Why did I have to be so foolish!?
Who all will know… Why did I not think this before!?
What all will happen… Why didn’t I consider the consequences!?
Darn this emptiness!
Darn this blankness!
Why does time have to pass so slowly!?
Why does my life suck!?
Fish! Shit! Darn it!

I dont want this.

An end to a thriller, without having written even a single chapter.

Maybe we could have been great friends! Stringing together treasured memories along this journey…
Or Maybe we could have perhaps dated for a while! Allowed the intoxication of love to spin it’s magic in our heads…
Or Maybe we could have been married. Facing the trials and tribulations of life together…
But now, I’m just another guy in her life…
Not even sure if I am even in her life…
I’m probably not even a footnote or even a referenced superscript in her life…

I don’t want this.

Darn it. Darn it. Darn it!

– – –

A few days later…

Those kohl-lined doe-like eyes….That mysterious dimpled smile………….

And the cycle begins again!

_The End_

The Thri.L Mantra: Laugh, Love, Live

Shri.

Previous Themes of Our Lives:

1. The Firsts

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